Dr Stephanie Doig Clinical Psychologist, Child anxiety expert

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Most of it happens in the smallest, most well-intentioned moments. 1. Reassurance feels kind but teaches the wrong lesson. When anxious feelings show up and a child asks “will it be okay?” the instinct is to say yes. Every time. The problem is that reassurance works in the moment but quietly teaches their nervous system that it cannot cope without your answer. Over time it becomes part of the anxiety loop rather than a way out of it. What helps more is acknowledging the feeling without answering for it. This will look different depending on the child, their age, and what the worry is about. 2. Avoiding the thing that worries them keeps the worry in charge. When anxious feelings show up, avoidance feels like protection. The difficulty is that every avoided situation sends a message to the brain that it was genuinely dangerous, and next time the anxiety arrives bigger and faster. The question I always ask is: is this helping them recover, or is it slowly shrinking their world over time? 3. How you talk about their worries shapes how they understand themselves. Phrases like “you’re so anxious” or “you always get like this” become part of how children build their identity. Language matters. Helping children understand that worried feelings visit, that they are not the feeling itself, builds the psychological distance they need to respond rather than react. 4. Your own response to their distress is data they are collecting. Children are extraordinarily attuned to the adults around them. When a parent winces at the school gate or rushes to fix the worry, children register that as confirmation something is wrong. That regulation is hard to access when you are carrying your own stress or exhaustion. Getting support for yourself is not separate from supporting your child. It is part of it. None of this is about being a perfect parent. It is about small, informed shifts that change everything over time. 💬 Comment GUIDE below and I’ll send you something to help. Remember: this is social media, not personalised advice. Always seek professional support if you are concerned about your child’s mental health.